Helpful Self-Regulation Tips for Keeping Calm & Carrying On

Self-regulation is an important skill everyone must learn regardless of neurodiversity or neurotypical. That’s because the ability of controlling the emotions you experience is essential because without it life will fall into chaos. Learning how to regulate and control yourself is what enables you to focus on the things you want to do, not get distracted, help yourself, and live the life you want to live.

For many autistics, controlling the emotions that come with daily life can be an immense challenge. Self-regulation refers to the ability to be in control of emotions, behaviors, and cognitive processes to achieve goals. It involves skills like managing impulses, regulating sensory intake, shifting between activities, and coping with stress or anxiety.

Self-regulation means controlling the emotions, not silencing them. Without strong self-regulation abilities, autistic individuals can struggle immensely in environments and situations that neurotypical people may find simple to navigate. Having those struggles is called autistic dysregulation.

Difficulty with self-regulation is one of the core challenges associated with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Problems can manifest in myriad ways for autistic individuals. 

They may experience emotional dysregulation in autism, resulting in meltdowns, shutdowns, or emotional outbursts that seem outsized about the situation at hand. Managing overwhelming feelings of anxiety, anger, or distress is an uphill battle.

Sensory issues and sensory overload are other common manifestations of autistic dysregulation. Many autistic people are hyper or hypo-sensitive to certain sounds, textures, lights, smells, and other sensory inputs. Without the ability to adequately regulate this sensory input through controlling the emotions, they can become quickly overwhelmed and dysregulated in environments like busy shopping malls, crowded schools, and offices, or places with bright lights and loud noises. 

Challenges may also present as obsessive or perseverative behaviors, like intense interests or rigid routines that the person struggles to disengage from. An autistic individual may want to talk incessantly about one specific topic, reenact the same scene from a movie or video game over and over again, or insist on adhering to a set routine with no deviations, or always being in control, even when it’s impractical. Shifting attention, letting go of a specific thought or behavior pattern, and integrating new information can all be incredibly difficult skills to effectively master.

Autistic individuals often struggle with behavioral aspects that neurotypical people may take for granted, like planning and initiating tasks, sustaining focus and attention, managing time efficiently, and other executive functioning skills. Without enough regulatory capacity in these areas, it can be enormously challenging for individuals with autistic dysregulation to control their emotions and be productive and successful in work, school, or home environments.

Despite the immense self-regulation difficulties they face, strong emotional skills are enormously beneficial – arguably essential – for autistic individuals’ independence, confidence, and overall quality of life. Autistic people who can regulate and be in control of their emotions, behaviors, cognitive processes, and sensory experiences more effectively find greater freedom to pursue their interests and goals.

They have an easier time building relationships, being part of communities, and advocating for themselves, without harmful labels. With adequate self-control abilities, ordinary situations and environments that might otherwise be disabling are rendered manageable. 

This makes building regulation skills for controlling the emotions an important focus area for autism therapies, interventions, accommodations, and individualized support plans from an early age. A variety of strategies can be extremely helpful for nurturing better management of being in control in autistic individuals.

Toolbox for Assisting with Autistic Dysregulation Be In Control

Sensory Tools

Using tools like noise-canceling headphones, sunglasses, fidget toys, weighted blankets, and chewy necklaces can help keep sensory experiences regulated and in control when things start to become dysregulating. Having a “toolbox” of sorts with adaptations and choices empowers the individual.

Schedules and Routines

 One of the reasons that unexpected changes and transitions are so difficult for many autistic people is that they lack an inherent structure and routine to rely upon. Establishing predictable schedules and routines, using visual schedules and supports, can provide that needed structure and reduce anxiety. Over time, the person can build greater cognitive flexibility to handle variations rather than the rigidity of routine.

Emotional Regulation Techniques

Teaching, modeling, and practicing emotional regulation techniques like deep breathing, identifying emotional triggers and surface behaviors, and implementing calming strategies and alternate behaviors are invaluable for emotional dysregulation in autism. Techniques like cartooning can make these skills more concrete and relatable.

Creating Accommodations

Whether in school, the workplace, or society at large, creating environmental accommodations and adjustments to meet autistic individuals’ needs for controlling the emotions of life goes a long way. This might involve allowing movement breaks, providing quiet spaces to retreat to, agreeing on non-verbal cues and signals, offering flexible scheduling and sensory accommodations, and more.

Harnessing Special Interests

Being in control of your emotions can provide for a happier life. Autistic individuals’ intense special interests and passions can sometimes be channeled into productive outlets and tools. For example, if someone is really interested in animals, caring for a pet could provide a calming focus and sensory output. Or if they love video games, a game’s storyline and characters could be incorporated into their emotional regulation techniques.

Above all else, perhaps the most powerful strategy for nurturing self-control in autistic individuals is to avoid demanding too many “acts of translation” at once. Self-regulation is itself an immense cognitive and emotional effort, especially without the right supports and accommodations in place.

Asking an autistic person to be in an overwhelming sensory environment simultaneously, mask their natural traits and behaviors, follow convoluted instructions, suppress their impulses and behaviors, and so on amounts to an unrealistic number of “acts of translation” being demanded. It’s a perfect recipe for emotional dysregulation in autism and resulting meltdown.

Improved Ways of Controlling Emotional Dysregulation in Autism

While regulating abilities requires significant effort and support for autistic individuals, the positive impacts make it extremely worthwhile. Increased regulation on oneself opens up many doors and possibilities:

Stronger Sense of Self

For autistic people, having more control over their emotions, behaviors, and reactions allows them to engage with the world with greater authenticity. They can express their true selves, interests, and perspectives without being hindered or overshadowed by constant emotional dysregulation in autism. This sense of being in command of their own experiences and organization boosts self-confidence and self-esteem. 

More Independence

From taking care of daily living tasks to pursuing higher education to maintaining employment, adequate skills are key for autistic individuals striving toward greater independence. Managing emotions, sensory needs, executive functioning deficits, and more enables them to rely less on others for constant support and accommodation. 

Improved Relationships 

Behavioral and emotional issues can significantly impair autistic people’s ability to navigate social interactions and cultivate meaningful connections successfully. With regulation techniques, tools for coping with sensory overload, and strategies for regulating emotional outbursts and bad behaviors, they have more bandwidth to be present and engaged in relationships.

Expanded Opportunities

Being in control of abilities opens up a wider range of environments, activities, and opportunities that may have previously been overwhelming or inaccessible due to autistic dysregulation. An autistic person’s options for school, work, hobbies, and community involvement increase dramatically when they have the self-regulation skills to manage the demands.

Overall Enhanced Quality of Life

At the end of the day, robust regulation allows autistic individuals to participate more fully in the world in a way that feels right to them, without so many challenges and barriers getting in the way. They gain greater freedom, autonomy, and self-actualization.

The ups and downs of life don’t have to feel like a relentless series of emotional dysregulation in autism emergencies. Self-regulation provides a solid foundation for cultivating well-being and living life with more peace and stability.

An Ongoing Journey of Controlling the Emotions and Behaviors

For autistic individuals and those who support them, the quest to strengthen emotional abilities is a continual, evolving process throughout the entire lifespan. Controlling the emotions felt is not a finite skill that’s simply acquired once and then maintained rigidly thereafter.

Needs, challenges, and effective strategies often shift as an autistic person transitions through different stages of childhood, adolescence, and adulthood.

During early childhood, the foundations of self-regulation are first constructed through interventions, accommodations, and attentive caregiver support. As children start entering structured school environments, a whole new realm of emotional dysregulation in autism challenges emerge around things like paying attention, following instructions, and regulating impulse control.

The teenage years can be an especially challenging phase for controlling emotions, as hormonal changes, identity exploration, and increasing social and academic pressures place new stressors and demands on autistic youth that can contribute to autistic dysregulation. Additional tools and coping mechanisms for being in control may need to be incorporated. 

Autistic dysregulation can keep individuals from living their best life, but luckily, self-regulation can be managed. In adulthood, needs can shift yet again as autistic individuals navigate greater independence, employment, relationships, and parenthood, overstimulating environments, and the generalized challenges of “adulting” successfully. What works to stay regulated may constantly require adjustment and refinement, and if not managed well can cause autistic burnout.  

(A personal note: Practicing stoicism is something that works well for me.)

Through open communication, reflection, and honoring the unique neurology of autistic individuals, self-regulation can be continually finessed, and autonomy progressively expanded. While mindfulness may forever demand more conscious effort from autistic individuals than their neurotypical peers, the freedom and quality of life it bestows makes it immensely worthwhile to prioritize.

With the right tools, strategies, support, accommodations, and understanding from others, many of the significant emotional and behavioral challenges autistic people face can be mitigated over time. Abilities for being in control can be nurtured through conscious effort, though they may always require more conscious effort for autistic individuals than they do for neurotypical people.

Still, the positive impacts on quality of life make developing mindful skills enormously valuable and worth nurturing fiercely.

At the end of the day, having the ability to be in control and effectively manage emotional dysregulation in autism can be a game changer. Controlling the emotions felt allows autistic individuals to show up more fully as their true, authentic selves – without being drowned out by autistic dysregulation, outbursts, sensory overloads, or other overwhelming obstacles getting in the way.

Mastering your mind facilitates autistic self-advocacy, interdependence, autonomy, and positive identity. It empowers autistic people to share their remarkable strengths, insights, and perspectives with the world.

Additional Challenges Individuals with Autism Face

Learn more about other issues that autistics face:

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Connor McClure

I'm a young adult navigating life with autism. By sharing my experiences and views, I hope to create a better awareness, understanding, and compassion for those on the spectrum. Let's connect!
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