Socializing and Autism: Being Overly Friendly Is Also A Challenge

While autism is often portrayed as a condition characterized primarily by challenges with social interaction and communication, the reality is much more nuanced. Autism manifests differently in each individual across a broad spectrum. For many people with autism, socializing doesn’t come naturally and individuals prefer solitude or small circles of close connections. However, over socializing can also be a challenge as well, sometimes even to a degree the person is perceived as overly friendly by neurotypical standards.

It’s ironic that such a common stereotype of autistics is being antisocial, but some people with autism are the opposite. In fact, they’re so social most neurotypical people can’t keep up, and you have to see the comedy in that. 

Socializing and being overly friendly seem like a positive characteristic, but individuals with autism may not be very socially aware and not understand social cues.

That’s where the socializing problems come in. Examples of this lack of social awareness are when an individual tends to talk almost incessantly, typically without listening or allowing individuals to respond, to the point others find it annoying.

People who talk too much but don’t listen can be exhausting, so despite their socializing, it can be hard for them to make and keep friends. This is why it’s important for individuals with autism who have socializing problems and come across as overly friendly to learn vital social skills so they can make real and long-lasting friends.

Read more about autism and friendships.

What Past Studies Have Found About Autism and Social Skills

Past studies on autism traits focused on lack of social contact and connection as an indicator of autism. However, this was when the focus centered on more males being diagnosed.

As improved autism diagnoses are being made and more females are being diagnosed—in part in recognition that they may present their symptoms differently—the trait of being overly friendly is becoming more well-known as a symptom as well. 

While it may seem that more females present as overly friendly and because they may be more likely to utilize masking and code switching techniques to hide their diagnosis, keep in mind that all symptoms present as a spectrum. That means some males may present as antisocial while others are overly friendly, and vice versa.

Whether a person is considered an introvert or extrovert has nothing to do with a diagnosis of being on the spectrum, according to experts.

Read more about autism and masking and code switching.

7 Key Reasons Autistics May Have Socializing Problems

1. Strong Desire for Connection
   Many people with autism have a strong underlying desire to connect with others in a meaningful way. Human beings are inherently social creatures after all. However, due to the common social and communication difficulties associated with autism, individuals on the spectrum may lack the innate skills or intuition to interact appropriately.

   This can lead to overcompensation through over socializing or being overly friendly in an attempt to make friends and be liked. The person may end up interacting too much, too intensely, or in ways that unintentionally annoy or overwhelm others. They are simply trying their best to bridge that social gap using the tools they have available.

2. Difficulty Reading Social Cues
   A fundamental challenge for people with autism is accurately perceiving and responding to nonverbal social cues and norms. A neurotypical person typically unconsciously absorbs and interprets subtle social signals like facial expressions, body language, vocal tones, figures of speech, etc.

   They instinctively adjust their own behaviors based on those cues, such as recognizing when someone is bored or wants to exit a conversation.

   For a socially oblivious person with autism, these nuanced signals are easily missed. Conversations may be unintentionally dominated by their own interests or go on extensively because they don’t pick up on cues to wrap it up. It’s comparable to missing exit signs on the highway and just keeping on going straight ahead.

   This difficulty reading the social traffic signs can inadvertently lead to over socializing interactions that are perceived as overbearing or excessive by others.

   Read more about social awkwardness.

3. Absorption in Special Interests
   Many people with autism have intense special interests and the ability to concentrate on these topics with a laser focus. When engaged in discussing or info-dumping about a favorite subject, they may become so absorbed that they don’t notice or care about the other person’s level of interest.

   In their enthusiasm and excitement sharing facts and details about their passion, the conversation becomes inadvertently one-sided and dominated by the autistic person’s special interest. This single-minded pursuit of their interest can be perceived as socially excessive behavior.

   Read more about autism and hyper-focus.

4. Sensory-Seeking Tendencies
   Some people with autism are sensory seekers who crave and enjoy certain forms of sensory input. The dynamics of social interaction—such as conversation, eye contact, gestures, and facial expressions—can provide pleasing sensory stimulation. This sensory pleasure derived from social engagement may lead autistic sensory seekers to interact more actively or frequently than a neurotypical person would. They pursue and initiate these social interactions as a form of enjoyable sensory input, which could be perceived as atypical or excessive social behavior like over socializing or being overly friendly.

   Read more about sensory sensitivities and autism.

5. Mimicking and Scripting
   As a strategy to try navigating the baffling landscape of social norms and etiquette, some autistic people will mimic or emulate how they observe neurotypical people interacting. They may adopt a persona of outgoing friendliness based on examples they’ve seen while lacking the intrinsic comprehension of unspoken rules behind it.

   Others may rely heavily on scripted conversations and phrases, drawing from media, books, or past exchanges. If applied too uniformly across social situations, these tactics can come across as excessive, immature, or socially oblivious.

   Read more about pathologizing autism.

6. Coping Mechanism
   In some cases, being overly social serves as a coping mechanism for anxiety. The person may feel calmed and reassured by high levels of social interaction. Keeping conversations going excessively or dominating them with their interests can act as a kind of “security blanket” that helps manage social anxiety and uncertainty. While this behavior may seem atypical or annoying to others, it genuinely serves a purpose.

   Read more about unhealthy coping mechanisms.

7. Aspect of Personality
   Apart from autism itself, some people are simply extroverted, eccentric, chatty, or lacking in self-awareness of how they come across. Their excessive social behavior isn’t necessarily a direct result of autism, but rather an aspect of their personality and identity. Autism exists across all personality types – being highly social may just be who they are as an individual.

   While the causes are multilayered, the common thread is a disconnect between intent and impact. The person doesn’t consciously realize that their social behavior is not neurotypical. They are simply trying to satisfy their social needs using the coping strategies available to them.

The Challenges of Regulating Social Behavior

For autistic individuals who tend towards excessive or over socializing behavior, learning to regulate and moderate their interactions can be extremely challenging. The instincts and intuition that neurotypical people rely on to navigate social nuance are simply not innate for them in the same way. It requires conscious practice, coaching, and trial-and-error experience.

Without the natural ability to grasp social cues, they lean heavily on pre-learned social rules and patterns of behavior. But human interaction is far too complex for a one-size-fits-all approach.

Responding to subtle cues in the moment doesn’t come naturally. What may seem like common sense to neurotypical people can feel utterly perplexing.

Many well-meaning autistic people work tirelessly at social skills education and training, while avoiding masking behaviors. But truly mastering the unwritten rules and ever-changing norms of social conduct requires hypervigilance.

It means consciously regulating every aspect of expression and response in real-time interactions. This kind of constant self-monitoring and avoiding being overly friendly or even obnoxious at times is mentally and emotionally exhausting.

Despite their best efforts, social missteps still happen regularly. The fear of saying or doing the “wrong” thing socially can become paralyzing. When overwhelmed in the moment, it’s understandable to fall back on learned social scripts, special interests, or other means of self-soothing.

Creating a Supportive Social Environment

While the responsibility is not entirely on others to accommodate socially oblivious behavior, neurotypical people could help their friends or loved ones with autism by being more aware, patient, and supportive of challenges that come from over socializing or being too friendly. A compassionate social environment can make a big difference.

What some label excessive social behavior often comes from an innocent place of wanting to connect. There’s rarely ill intent behind it. Offering gentle redirection, without judgment, helps an autistic person learn. Leading by example and inviting reciprocity in conversation guides social attunement.

Patience when listening to info-dumping about a special interest also helps, even if it’s not shared. Tolerance for unique communication styles paves the way for social confidence. Normalize the fact that we all have different social needs. 

Of course, clear boundaries should be set around inappropriate behavior. But socially awkward mannerisms don’t necessarily warrant sharp criticism. With understanding, people of all neurotypes can find common ground.

Socializing Progress Comes Through Experience

For autistic people continuously working to improve their social awareness and reciprocity, don’t lose heart. While the process presents very real challenges, social skills can gradually become more refined over time. Human interaction is a complex code that takes years to crack.

With each social encounter and experience, new insights are gained. Every faux pas, corrected misconception, and moment of feedback chip away at the social barriers bit by bit. Continued immersion in the social world accelerates learning.

While the neurological differences accompanying autism don’t simply go away, conscious adaptation, coping strategies, and therapeutic techniques help bridge the gap. Approach every social experience as a valuable chance to learn and grow. Progress happens in increments, so don’t focus on socializing problems and instead focus on the successes.

So remain patient and compassionate with yourself and others throughout the journey. Perfection is never possible, but improvement is. We all have room for growth when it comes to calibrating our social radar and finding a balance between social isolation and over socializing.

Tips for Improving Socializing

For autistic individuals who feel they may sometimes commit over socializing mistakes or being overly friendly, some strategies and tips can help improve socializing problems over time:

• Practice active listening skills. Make an effort to balance speaking and listening, and focus attentively when others are talking.

• Watch and learn from socially adept role models. Observe how they converse and tailor responses in real time.

• Ask for candid feedback from trusted friends/family after social interactions. Their insights will help you self-reflect.

• Look for nonverbal cues like facial expressions and body language to gauge reactions. Seek explicit permission before info-dumping on a special interest.

• Gradually push your comfort zone, but don’t overwhelm yourself. Slowly build tolerance for new social situations.

• Scripts are okay to lean on at first but challenge yourself to go off-script when possible. The goal is reciprocating conversation, not just following rote patterns.

• If you feel you’re dominating a conversation, make an effort to pause, ask questions, and let the other person share.

• Be mindful of the volume, rate, and intensity of your speaking. Modulate based on the setting and recipient.

• Consider your motives before initiating social interaction. Is it for a reasonable purpose or sensory fulfillment? Be thoughtful.

• Join support communities to gain perspective. Connect with other autistic people working to improve their social skills.

• Seek counseling or therapy focused on building social capability and emotional intelligence. These are skills anyone can develop.

With consistent effort centered on social awareness, empathy, and reciprocity, your skills will evolve. But be patient and kind to yourself through the process. Fundamental change takes time. You’ve got this!

Over socializing or being overly friendly can inadvertently annoy or overwhelm others. For those who struggle with calibrating their social behavior, it’s important to keep practicing self-awareness and perception of social cues.

With compassion, guidance, and support, social skills can gradually become more attuned over time. We must also nurture societal acceptance of diversity in socializing needs and styles.

The autism spectrum is vast with room for all types of social abilities and preferences.

Additional Misconceptions That Lead To Autism Stigmas and Stereotypes

• Learn more about other stigmas and stereotypes that autistics face:
• Why Labeling People Can Lead to Stereotyping and Discrimination
• Autism Media Stereotypes:  We’re Not All Geniuses, Savants, or Lonely
• Absurd Plot About Autism and Evolution and Why It’s Harmful
• Moving Past the Tired Conspiracy Theory of Vaccines and Autism
• Discover the Powerful Bond Between Autism and Pets
• 3 Reasons Why Pathologizing Crushes Autism Acceptance and Inclusion
• The Hidden Hurdles:  Challenging Autism Stigmas in Today’s Politics
• History of Autism:  Revealing Shocking Mysteries from the Past
• Knocking Down the Stigma to Autism Obsession