Sharing Life and Autism Social Story Lets Others See Authentic Self
Deciding to tell someone you have autism and how you should do it is an intensely personal decision. With care and preparation, sharing knowledge about your autism diagnosis can enrich relationships. At the same time, it can sometimes hurt them, although arguably those aren’t the individuals you need in your life anyway.
Revealing your autism social story with others can be unnerving but also freeing, and truth means you should feel better about being your authentic self without needing to mask or stim only in secret.
But deciding who to tell, when to tell them, how to frame the discussion for maximum clarity and compassion, and what to do after often requires careful thought. Explaining autism spectrum symptoms in adults can help others better understand your differences so loved ones can embrace you for being you!
Until I started writing about my autism social story on Facebook and my blog My Autism Mind, I didn’t tell many people I was on the spectrum. I wasn’t diagnosed until 13, and didn’t initially understand what it meant or how it made me different than others. I just knew I was quirky and had my own way of doing things and I was okay with that. I still am.
While I’ve never felt embarrassed about my diagnosis, sharing life has been somewhat liberating (at least for me). Since I’ve always struggled somewhat with making friends, I feel like I have an entire community with which I can connect. I think sharing knowledge and learning new perspectives has helped me grow and become more social as well.
I hope you will follow these tips to navigate disclosing your autism social story and sharing knowledge about what it’s like to be on the spectrum with friends, family, classmates, coworkers, and more. Perhaps it will help you grow and flourish as well.
Sharing Life: Choose Wisely Who to Tell Your Autism Social Story To
A key first step is reflecting on who in your life would benefit most from knowing about your diagnosis at this stage. Consider which relationships feel secure enough or have enough trust and history established to handle this sensitive conversation.
You may wish to start with one or two close friends who know you well already and seem likely to respond positively, such as those who have been sympathetic regarding mental health struggles or differences previously. Core family members like parents, siblings, and grandparents are often good early candidates too.
Meanwhile, you likely have little to gain right now from telling recent acquaintances or relations who do not know you deeply as an individual. Protect your vulnerability by waiting until more rapport exists before considering disclosure in newer connections.
Additionally, if certain people in your life have reacted poorly to mental health or neurodiversity revelations before, they may, unfortunately, lack the openness at this time to respond supportively to your autism diagnosis as well. You know these dynamics best, so reflect carefully.
Above all, remember that you owe no one information about your medical history or brain before you feel fully comfortable providing it. This guidance on who to tell is about maximizing your support system, not meeting demands or expectations. You have every right to keep your diagnosis entirely private too. Go at your own pace!
RELATED: The Fascinating Explanation of Spoon Theory Mental Health
Pick the Right Time When Sharing Knowledge About Your Private Information
You may find it helpful to write out what you want to say or even practice aloud beforehand. Gather your confidence. The other person will pick up on your cues here, so project calm optimism about this sharing life as a bridge toward greater connection.
Specific softer openings when the mood feels right could sound like:
- “There’s something personal I want to share with you about the way my brain works…”
- “I was diagnosed recently with something that explains a lot about me…”
- “Can I tell you about this new self-discovery I’m really glad to understand better?”
Entry points like these warm up the dialogue, centering this as an intimate disclosure to appreciate, not a crisis to panic over. From there, segue organically into the details you want to unveil.
What Being on the Spectrum Means for You Specifically: Your Autism Social Story
Now comes the heart of the conversation – explaining what exactly being autistic entails for you, in your lived experience. Resist framing this initially in generic terms about autism spectrum symptoms in adults broadly. Not all symptoms manifest the same across individuals or even genders on the spectrum. Instead, keep the focus personal.
Open by establishing what being autistic does NOT automatically mean for you specifically – e.g., you may not fit stereotypes about visible disability, intellectual disability, or having an exclusively male presentation if those do not define your case. Dispel myths upfront before defining your own authentic reality.
Next, walk through how autism impacts you personally. Share specific examples of associated traits like:
- Focused interests and passions that captivate you
- Sensory differences – ranging from sensory seeking to sensory overstimulation/avoidance
- Alternative communication styles and needs – you may be introverted, dislike eye contact as overwhelming, prefer typed rather than spoken words, etc.
- Development variations involving motor, speech or social differences in childhood
- Need for order/routine around surprises or uncertainty
- Facing overstimulating environments like bright lights, loud spaces and strong smells
- Learning and working very systematically, excellent at patterns
- Appreciating sincerity and taking things literally rather than abstractly
These are just possible examples. Discuss 2-3 traits most relevant or noticeable to how your autism shapes your daily lived experiences, relationships with others, and how people can best support you.
What does autism mean for your school work, job performance, social capacities, emotional regulation, etc.? Paint a picture of your authentic autistic self for this listener to better relate to you going forward.
Be Ready to Educate: Discussing Autism Spectrum Symptoms in Adults
For example, a friend may react with:
“But you don’t seem disabled to me…”
To which you clarify:
“Many autistic people, including me in this case, don’t necessarily have an intellectual disability. Autism is different for every individual…”
Or a family member remarks:
“Does this mean you can’t adapt to change or learn independence?”
You reassure:
“While autism does make me prefer preparation for transitions, I continue developing self-care skills just like anyone…”
Then provide examples or offer to send informative articles debunking common myths about autistic capacities to enrich their awareness.
If someone you chose to tell responds negatively at first or refuses to believe the diagnosis, stay calm. Politely but firmly restate your reality, supply resources explaining autism diversity, and clarify that you shared this in hopes of cultivating mutual support. Hopefully, over time skeptics start listening rather than resisting.
Sharing Knowledge: Emphasize Actionable Support
Now that you have illuminated what being autistic entails specifically for you, most listeners will feel glad you confided in them and want advice on how to support you moving forward. So speak to the practical!
Has this person said or done anything previously that comforted you but they may not have realized was helpful? Communicate appreciation for those instinctive kind gestures.
What specific language or behaviors would you like them to adopt or avoid in the future given your autism-linked needs? Provide clear guidance, don’t expect them to guess.
For instance, you might say:
“It helps me so much when you give me extra time to formulate a response” or “Could you avoid sudden loud noises around me which tend to overwhelm my senses?”
Frame requests positively around adding support, not exaggerated restrictions. The goal is to channel this diagnosis to improve close relationships and equip allies. They will follow your lead!
Sharing Life and Keep the Conversation Going
Telling someone about your autism will likely require not just one breakthrough conversation, but an ongoing series of check-ins about needs and continued cycles of education.
After your initial vulnerable discussion, the other person still needs time to truly process this new lens for understanding you. Allow space rather than reacting defensively if they make occasional verbal blunders later on or ask seemingly silly questions.
Gently guide them back on track by reexplaining whatever aspect causes confusion or hurt feelings. They want to support, so clarity is key! Over time you build intimacy and trust to have harder nuanced chats about aspects like autism-related social anxieties or sensory triggers as relevant.
Eventually, your diagnosis may spread gradually to wider circles too, organically or intentionally. Know that each new person will have their own learning curve as well in grasping your reality. Be patient but consistent – those worthy of your inner circle will make the effort.
Managing Emotions Around Telling Others and Sharing Life
Know that whatever mix of anticipation, uncertainty, excitement or anxiety wells up as you plan disclosure, you maintain agency in directing where the conversation flows next. Emotions may fluctuate, but your thoughtful strategy and self-knowledge remain fixed guides.
If worry about rejection or skepticism predominates, remind yourself of the reasons you chose this person as an early confidant – perhaps observe again how they interact kindly with neurodiverse people or handle mental health challenges with sensitivity. Notice any examples that testify to their compassion.
Or if enthusiasm to finally be known and supported properly predominates, channel that energy into expressing your authentic needs and traits clearly rather than expecting instant overnight change.
Above all, trust your assessment of this relationship’s security and readiness for handling such a delicate conversation well. You would not take this leap otherwise. A mix of eagerness to connect and raw vulnerability likely intermingle. Breathe through the intensity!
You may also consider involving a supportive third party like a therapist, autistic mentor, or inclusive family member to help mediate the initial vulnerable disclosure conversations with key people if having backup eases your stress. Just ensure the role of any joiners is clear so all feel heard.
Ultimately emotions around sharing something so personal evolve from moment to moment. But your steadfast courage, honesty, and hope can anchor the decisive talks. You’ve got this!
Signs Someone May Not Handle the News Well
While many people respond positively when trusted with an autism diagnosis disclosure, poor reactions do sometimes still occur, unfortunately.
As you contemplate coming out to certain individuals, analyze whether any past statements or behaviors from them hinted that they may not handle revelations around developmental differences and neurodiversity with the necessary care or respect. Problematic signs can include:
- Using language embracing narrow, non-inclusive definitions of gender, cognitive styles and abilities as “normal”
- Repeating myths and stereotypes about autistic and other neurodivergent presentations as universally severe disabilities
- Mocking or scorning those they perceive as socially awkward – your traits could become targets
- Showing impatience with anyone they view as inefficient, atypical or difficult
- Feeling excessively threatened or displeased when own worldviews are questioned
- Regular invalidation of others’ stated experiences of ableism and exclusion
You likely already recoil inwardly during such remarks as generalizations discounting vast diversities of human minds and means of thinking, communicating, emoting, perceiving, and existing. Now consider whether those same mentalities would allow space for you as an autistic person once revealed too.
If you discern such attitudes in a person, calling out their stances directly first in a caring culture conversation may be worthwhile, before coming out yourself down the line. Move forward thoughtfully if needed reactions seem unlikely yet from someone significant in your orbit.
Who Might Have Trouble Adjusting – And How to Help Them
After you disclose your autism to someone close, the vast majority of caring people will make efforts to understand while admitting gaps in their comprehension – please know this! But even loving supporters can say frustrating things while adjusting.
Parents may wrongly blame themselves, friends can minimize differences, partners may radically alter expectations of you, and coworkers might wrongly assume utter incapacitation in absurd ways. Some may even suggest romanticization of autism.
If difficult reactions emerge in those you hoped would handle this empathetically, don’t despair. Kindly correcting mistaken assumptions and giving the other person tools to comprehend autism’s complexity better over time often helps enormously.
But proceed gently. Loved ones’ insensitive under-reactions commonly root in overwhelm upon realizing they cannot instantly grasp your different neurological experiences or how to completely eliminate associated life challenges. Their adjustment too deserves patience.
Continue highlighting positives like unique perspectives you bring while supplying resources on supporting autistic folks’ dignity. It simply takes time for some to shift their mindsets and fully recognize neurodiversity’s creative potential once obscured by narrow social norms. Progress through thoughtful exposure.
In cases of prolonged resistance even after your best informative efforts though, you may need to reinforce unconditional love and acceptance as non-negotiable foundations if relationships are to continue mutually. Consider counseling too for stuck scenarios.
What Spectrum Disclosure Accomplishes
As touched on already, the impacts of telling trusted individuals about your autism extend far beyond the relief of credentials finally being known in one discreet conversation. Rippling benefits continue unfolding long after.
By taking this vulnerable leap, you bridge disconnected parts within your own identity at last – the “before knowing why I differed” old self starts integrating with the “now empowered through self-knowledge” new incarnation. Relief and permission to acknowledge long obscured aspects ripple through your whole sense of being.
Relationships stand to gain depth and intimacy as loved ones better grasp communication styles or thinking patterns previously mystifying about you. Bonds cement with anyone willing to grow in their comprehension of your experiences.
Your act of disclosure simultaneously educates someone new about the realities of autistic lives beyond stereotypes and daily hurdles, perhaps shifting their attitudes towards wider neurodiversity too in the process. Positive societal impacts emerge.
And as you embody such vulnerability-fueled courage, know you likely inspire fellow autistic folks unsure about revealing their own diagnoses as well. Representation, openness, and compassion matter enormously. You pave the way.
Disclosing an autism diagnosis even to one sympathetic person remains deeply personal and often intimidating. But approached intentionally, self-disclosure also holds profound power to build bridges of understanding about this integral piece of your identity.
By assessing carefully who to tell first, timing the pivotal conversation during an appropriate settled moment together, emphasizing relatable examples of what autism means specifically for your lived experiences, politely educating willing listeners, spelling out concrete supportive behaviors desired, and extending grace for ongoing progress – you pave the way for authentically enriched relationships ahead.
Sharing Knowledge About Common Autistic Behaviors
There are many behaviors associated with having autism. Keep in mind that everyone presents differently, which is why it is caused by a spectrum disorder. However, there are common autism behaviors. Learn more about them.
- Autism and Eye Rolling: Why It’s Odd, But Perfectly Okay
- Eye Contact Avoidance: 8 Best Ways to See Eye to Eye
- 10 Proven Techniques for Managing Autism and Sensory Issues
- Behaving Badly: Is Using Autism as An Excuse Ever Okay?
- Autism and ADHD: Making Sense of the Overlap
- Autism Masking & Code Switching: How to Redefine Acceptance
- Autistic Stimming Behaviors: Why We Do and How It’s Important
- OCD and Autism: Could You Have One Condition or Both?
- Break Free From These 7 Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
- Autism in Sports: Hyper-Focus Can Be A Commanding Competitive Advantage
