Are You Experiencing Disrespect or Just Being Too Sensitive?

Everyone deserves to be respected, and disrespect should never be tolerated.For individuals on the autism spectrum, social interactions can be a significant area of difficulty. The unwritten rules and nuances of communication that neurotypical people pick up on naturally often have to be learned systematically by those on the spectrum. 

This can lead to miscommunications, misunderstandings, and a vulnerability to feeling disrespect from others who may not understand autism.

While every person is different, with their unique strengths and challenges, some common characteristics of autism may shape how disrespect is perceived and handled. 

It’s important to note that nobody should have to endure disrespectful treatment, regardless of neurotype. However, increasing awareness about these potential areas of difficulty can help foster more empathy, accommodation, and inclusion.

The Art of Autism and Missing Key Social Cues

A key challenge for many on the autism spectrum is missing subtle social cues, body language, and implied meanings that provide important context around what is being communicated. While a neurotypical person might easily pick up on signs of sarcasm, condescension, or disrespect through tone of voice and body language, these cues can sometimes go unnoticed or be misinterpreted by some autistics.

Autistics may take comments literally, missing any implied insult or disrespect behind the words. Or they may not recognize borderline rude behavior like eye-rolling, dismissive body language, or raised voices as indicators that someone is being disrespectful.

This can allow disrespecting behaviors to persist for longer than they might with a neurotypical person who would likely pick up on those social signifiers earlier.

Direct Communication Style 

In contrast to the often nuanced and indirect social communication styles utilized by many neurotypical people, a lot of autistic individuals tend to have a straightforward, literal approach to communication that leaves little room for subtext or implication. If they recognize that someone is being disrespectful or rude toward them, they’re more likely to respond by simply stating that directly.

Rather than employing subtle hints that something is amiss or trying to defuse the situation with a passive, non-confrontational approach—which is more common among neurotypical individuals—the autistic person may bluntly call out disrespectful words or behavior. This direct or blunt form of communication can sometimes come across as overly harsh or socially jarring to neurotypical people.

Navigating the line between being too blunt and not being assertive enough is something that is frequently talked about on My Autism Mind’s Facebook page. Hugh Joregan states that work is often an area with challenges. He says, “These days at work, I usually don’t get along with anyone who disrespects or yells at me. I can be intimidated, but when push comes to shove, I’ll stand up to anyone who treats me wrong.” At the opposite end is being fearful of speaking up. Kristen Vradenbeurg indicates “I feel like I have no voice … it’s screaming in my head but that’s as far as my voice sits. I’m sure one day I’ll get it.” 

Emotional Dysregulation

Signs of being disprectful isn't always apparent, especially to those who struggle with social cues.For some individuals on the autism spectrum, perceived disrespect, unfair treatment, or other violations of expected social rules can be incredibly distressing and trigger emotional dysregulation. Sensory overload, confusion over the violation of expected behavioral norms, and difficulties regulating intense emotions like anger, sadness, or anxiety can make it extremely challenging to respond in a calm, measured way in that heated moment.

Compared to neurotypical individuals, some autistics may not have the emotional regulation skills required to keep their cool and navigate tense situations involving disrespect smoothly. 

They may freeze up, shut down, melt down by becoming overwhelmed, or in some cases even lash out as the emotion reaches a breaking point and override their logical mind.

Autistic individuals are just as diverse as any other group, with varying levels of ability to handle this type of complex social situation. But for some portion of the community, emotional dysregulation triggered by perceived disrespect can create very difficult behavioral challenges to overcome in the moment.

Increasing Awareness & Accommodation

Of course, nobody should be subjected to disrespectful treatment, regardless of their neurotype. Systemic disrespect toward the autism community is also a major problem that perpetuates stigma, marginalization, and harm. It’s crucial that workplaces, schools, and all sectors of society work to become more intentionally accommodating and inclusive of autistic individuals and the unique strengths and challenges they may have.

However, increasing awareness about perspectives like the ones outlined above can help nurture more empathy and understanding on all sides. It can inspire neurotypical people to monitor their behavior, check potential blind spots, and be more mindful about ensuring their words and actions do not come across as disrespectful – even inadvertently.

Acknowledging accomplishments can help overcome challenges of disrespecting others. For autistic individuals who may miss social cues about disrespect, more intentional and direct communication from others about what is considered inappropriate conduct can help bridge that gap. Instead of relying solely on implication or subtle cues, taking the time to clearly explain why certain language or actions are rude or offensive creates a valuable teaching moment.

When direct correction is required due to a missed social cue, doing so in a respectful, educational way – focusing on the violating behavior rather than character attacks – can be constructive for all parties. It allows the person on the spectrum to understand the transgression while avoiding unnecessary injury.

Accommodating more direct communication styles for those who may bluntly call out disrespectful behavior is also important. Though it may seem jarring at first, teaching acceptance and openness to that form of honest feedback can be valuable. Directness should be seen as a show of trust and an opportunity to have an open dialogue, not something to be dismissed as inappropriate social ineptness.

For individuals who struggle with emotional dysregulation, proactively reducing triggers and creating plans for regaining emotional regulation can be helpful strategies. Establishing calming routines, providing accommodations to minimize sensory overload, and allowing opportunities to remove oneself from overwhelming situations can all go a long way.

In instances where emotional dysregulation does occur, patience and avoiding escalation are key. Meeting intense emotions with more intensity will likely only compound the issue further. Using grounding techniques, open-ended questions that safely allow venting of emotion, breathing exercises, and other de-escalation practices may be more effective ways to re-establish regulation. 

Seeking out training on trauma-informed practices and crisis management can also equip supporters, caregivers, teachers, and others with skills to navigate emotionally dysregulated states safely and compassionately without causing further harm.

Creating Cultures of Mutual Respect, Not Disrespect

At the end of the day, respect needs to be a two-way street. Autistic individuals deserve to receive respect, accommodation, and inclusion in all areas of life—just like anyone else. They should not be subjected to bullying, harassment, or discrimination due to being neurodivergent.

At the same time, having autism does not give anyone a free pass to disrespect others or behave badly without accountability. Part of encouraging autonomy and interdependence for those on the spectrum involves holding universal expectations around treating others with respect and human dignity – even if the delivery of that message looks a bit different at times.  

Open communication, patience, empathy on all sides, and a commitment to creating an authentically inclusive environment are key. By working to understand each other’s perspectives and making space for different communication styles, we can establish neurodiversity-affirming spaces that celebrate and bring out the best in all people – regardless of neurotype.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T: Find Out What It Means To Me (and You)

Empathy, accommodations, and understanding can help overcome feelings of disrespect.As soul singer Aretha Franklin belted out, respect is something we all deserve. Mastering social interaction means you have to learn how to deal with disrespect, whether it’s unintentionally disrespecting others or feeling disrespected yourself.

You have to calmly handle this so you don’t alienate potential friends and allies but you also need to know when to cut someone out if they don’t stop disrespecting you. This can be a careful balancing act but many things in life are so you should get pretty good at it.

The key is learning how to gauge if someone is disrespecting you and how you can respond to it and not feel taken advantage of or powerless. At the same time, we all need to learn how you can avoid disrespecting others intentionally or not so you can maintain a healthy social circle.

Oriya Sarnicola-Moon agrees with finding the right balance. On My Autism Mind’s Facebook page, she writes, “I do self-advocate. I also alienate myself by doing so. I also self-advocate myself right out of any possibility of help, or assistance, or understanding, but, people do leave me alone.”

Earning respect is also something that is not given easily, as it’s about sticking to your convictions and making good decisions. Respect is typically earned at work and in relationships by keeping your promises, behaving reliably, and being a good listener and learner. 

You can’t MAKE people respect you, which is why people say you have to “earn” it.  And at its core is being a human being who demonstrates trust and reliability above all else.

It’s something we should all adhere to as part of our quest to be the best person we can be.

Autism in Adults:  Living, Learning, and Overcoming Challenges for a Fulfilled Life

Learn more about autism in adults by reading the articles below.

Autism in adults requires additional support and coping skills to achieve independence in today’s world. Learn more about ways adults can live fulfilled lives and the challenges they face.  

Picture of Connor McClure

Connor McClure

I'm a young adult navigating life with autism. By sharing my experiences and views, I hope to create a better awareness, understanding, and compassion for those on the spectrum. Let's connect!
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