5 Ingenious Ways for Creating Boundaries in A Relationship

Many people on the autism spectrum disorder have differences in their perception of creating boundaries in a relationship. The concept of personal space meaning sometimes gets lost in translation.Many people on the autism spectrum disorder have differences in their perception of creating boundaries in a relationship. The concept of personal space meaning and setting boundaries with family and friends can lead to social difficulties and ostracism.

Respecting others and having others respect you, regardless of whether you are neurotypical or are neurodiverse, is an essential concept to learn for successfully co-mingling with society. 

That’s why it’s so important for autistics especially to have awareness and understanding of creating boundaries in a relationship and at work.

Personal Space Meaning and What Causes Issues for Autistics?

There are a few key factors that contribute to creating boundaries in a relationship difficulties commonly noted in individuals on the autism spectrum. Here are three key issues that are most common with setting boundaries with family and friends.

  1. Sensory Perception Differences

    People with autism process sensory information – sight, sound, touch, smell, taste – in unique ways. They may be over-sensitive or under-sensitive to certain stimuli. Standing too close to someone or touching them unexpectedly can cause distress due to sound and visual input in close proximity.

    But for some, the need to seek additional sensory input outweighs spatial norms. Understanding and accommodating these sensory needs is the compassionate response and necessary for understanding personal space meaning.

    READ MORE: 10 Proven Techniques For Managing Autism and Sensory Issues

  2. Information Processing Differences

    The feedback loop between sensory perception and information processing works differently for autistic individuals.

    It may be more difficult for their brains to quickly take in social cues and subtleties like one’s posture or tone of voice indicating personal space preferences. Before they can adjust positioning accordingly, moments have already passed. This also contributes to clumsiness in avoiding invading others’ personal space.

    READ MORE: Inferencing and Body Language Hurdles to Overcome 

  3. Social Difficulties

    Reading social cues, making eye contact, interpreting body language, and intuitively knowing verbal and behavioral norms are all common challenges for people with ASD.

    Personal space conventions like how close to stand to someone based on your relationship or reading discomfort through nonverbal signals may not come naturally.

    What is perceived as inappropriate invasion of personal space is most often a reflection of social skill delays rather than intentional rudeness. Understanding these nuances is particularly important with     work boundaries.

    READ MORE: 8 Ways to Manage and Master Social Awkwardness

Creating Boundaries in a Relationship:  In What Ways Can Personal Space Issues Manifest?

While the root causes above explain why personal space differences occur in ASD, what do these issues look like in everyday social interactions?

Here are some examples:

  • Standing too close when conversing with others
  • Sitting right next to someone when other seats are open
  • Hugging, touching shoulders, or shaking hands without permission
  • Lingering in someone’s personal space too long
  • Difficulty determining appropriate social distance
  • Failure to recognize when their proximity is making others uncomfortable
  • Need for more personal space yet not communicating that effectively

Each autistic individual has unique preferences and tolerances. But explicit communication and compassionate reinforcement of social norms and etiquette makes a world of difference.

Teaching Personal Space Respect: Setting Boundaries with Family and Friends

Setting boundaries with family and friends may be especially important for autistics to help with relationship building.The most effective way to handle personal space and boundary issues for people with ASD is through:

  • Open communication about specific needs on both sides
  • Directly teaching conventions around proximity and touch
  • Gentle guidance when social missteps occur
  • Positive reinforcement for efforts and improvements

Well-meaning verbal critiques can still feel punitive without thoughtful delivery. The goal should focus on empowering those with autism to self-regulate rather than rely on correction from others. It also means offering empathy, patience and the benefit of the doubt that perceived infractions stem from developmental differences – not defiance or disrespect. 

Most of all, teaching appropriate personal space behaviors must emphasize self-advocacy around preferences. Just as people with ASD should practice respecting others’ personal space, they also deserve to have their own spatial needs and comfort levels honored. The ability to communicate boundaries clearly helps build confidence.

RELATED: Autism Social Skills – Inferencing and Body Language Hurdles to Overcome

Respecting Personal Space Needs for Individuals with Autism

Personal space meaning can sometimes be difficult for individuals with autism. This can be a challenge when establishing work boundaries. Beyond showing grace and understanding around social stumbles, neurotypicals can truly support people with autism as they navigate setting boundaries with family and friends. Remember that personal space challenges can either be getting too close or having closeness aversion, depending on the person.

Here are 5 tips to help with successfully creating boundaries in a relationship, regardless of whether it involves family, friends, romantic partners, or work associates.

5 Tips for Creating Boundaries:

  1. Making Sensory Accommodations

    If bright colors, noise and clutter easily overstimulate someone’s senses, adapt environments to minimize this. Provide places for regulated sensory breaks. If one gravitates toward others due to sound sensitivities, investigate other ways to meet sensory input needs.

  2. Role Playing Social Scenarios

    Walk through hypothetical situations that have been problematic like standing too close or initiating unwanted touch. Brainstorm better ways to meet the underlying sensory needs while respecting others’ space.

  3. Teaching Communication Skills

    Creating boundaries in a relationship can include discussing phrases and methods to tell others clearly yet politely, “I need more personal space please” or “Please ask my permission before touching me.” Provide positive feedback as they practice voicing spatial preferences.

  4. Reinforcing Self-Confidence 

    Help emphasize that needing more personal space or touch aversion is completely valid. The goal isn’t to mask their sensory differences but to meet personal needs while also making accommodations for others’ preferences. Confidence to self-advocate comes from self-acceptance.

  5. Teaching Consent & Boundaries

    Closely related to issues of personal space are challenges with boundaries and consent. Some people with ASD struggle to understand when they are violating others’ boundaries or when consent has not been given for an action, like touching.

Communications for Creating Boundaries in a Relationship

It is crucial that social skills education emphasizes asking for consent and respecting communicated boundaries. For example, young children can be taught to ask, “Can I give you a hug?” before embracing a classmate. This applies the concept of consent to an everyday situation. To address boundary crossing, it may help to literally mark personal spaces, such as with a carpet square or desk divider. This defines the personal space meaning in concrete terms.

People with autism don’t inherently lack empathy or concern for others. But they need explicit coaching to translate care for others into respect for personal boundaries  and learning personal space meaning. Through consistent yet compassionate messaging, these social practices can become ingrained.

When autistics’ boundaries are themselves violated, compassionate advocacy is essential too. They may lack the innate assertiveness to reinforce their own spatial and bodily autonomy in a direct, yet respectful, way.

Caregivers and peers should intercede on their behalf when overstepping occurs and reinforce that they have every right to occupy and protect personal space as they prefer. 

READ MORE: The Truth About Autism’s Lack of Empathy Disorder Needs to Be Told

Strategies for Establishing Public Personal Space Meaning

Some environments like schools, offices and public transit pose greater challenges due to crowds and lack of privacy. This can heighten personal space struggles for people with ASD.

In schools, allow students with autism to leave crowded assemblies early. Have them enter busy hallways a few minutes before first bell. Assign preferential seating like the corner desk with few students behind. Schools can even designate low-stimulus rooms for sensory breaks. Small accommodations make a big difference.

In community spaces like parks or transit, caregivers may allow ear buds, sunglasses or hats to manage stimuli. Seek less congested times to visit public venues. Transit authorities are also increasingly establishing “priority seating” for people with hidden disabilities likes autism.

Just educating the public that people of all ages and outward appearances may need additional space consideration fosters more inclusive communities.

For adults on the spectrum, creating boundaries in a relationship and establishing acceptable personal space meaning may become somewhat easier with years of experience, but that may not always hold true, especially when it comes to work boundaries.

Hopefully, employers of autistic individuals understand the challenges boundaries can create and have plans in place, along with awareness training, to foster understanding and help individuals with disabilities to be successful in the workplace.

READ MORE: Work and Autism – What Employers Should Know About Neurodiversity

Reinforcing Positive Behaviors When Creating Boundaries in a Relationship

Defining personal space meaning is critical when creating boundaries in a relationship.While compassion and inclusion helps minimize personal space issues in ASD, realistically struggles will persist without ongoing reinforcement creating boundaries in a relationship.

Remind loved ones with autism why space and boundaries matter but don’t criticize in ways that shame. Provide choices like “Would you prefer to sit here or here?” Reinforce consent asking like “Is it alright if I hug you?”

With consistent yet patient efforts to expand spatial awareness, people with ASD can ultimately learn adapted means of getting their sensory-social needs met while also respecting preference signaling from others.

With compassion and teamwork, social struggles involving personal space don’t have to hold anyone back from fuller community inclusion. Our diversity should be celebrated as collective strengths.

When we take the time to understand each other’s needs with open minds and open hearts, reciprocal respect follows.

There is still work needed to advocate for the spectrum of support needed across the autism community, but learning about these traits and understanding the extreme spectrum of what it may mean to be autistic is a start.

I’d love to hear your comments about creating boundaries in a relationship or establishing personal space needs in general.  Please provide me with any tips about setting boundaries with family in particular that you can offer to individuals with autism. It is something I am sometimes asked about. Discussions about other behaviors or mental health in general is also appreciated.

I hope we can connect.  Just leave a comment below, or feel free to email me directly at [email protected].

Other Common Autistic Behaviors

There are many behaviors associated with having autism. Keep in mind that everyone presents differently, which is why it is caused a spectrum disorder. However, there are common autism behaviors. Learn more about them. 

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Connor McClure

I'm a young adult navigating life with autism. By sharing my experiences and views, I hope to create a better awareness, understanding, and compassion for those on the spectrum. Let's connect!
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