Autism Social Skills: Inferencing and Body Language Hurdles to Overcome

Social inferencing, the ability to make accurate deductions of other people’s unstated behaviors, emotions, thoughts, and motives during interactions, poses a common challenge for autistic individuals. Autism social skills are often lacking, and invisible disabilities cause more strife than most other social problems examples for individuals on the spectrum.

Why is that? Sadly, it’s because most neurotypical people pass judgment on others of what they can clearly see and understand. They may not know of someone’s invisible disabilities, and just think a person is “weird.”

And since social functioning depends greatly on gathering implied meaning from conversations, autism social skills that include missing or misinterpreting what is not outwardly said can contribute to uncomfortable misunderstandings, anxiety surrounding unpredictable reactions, and a sense of isolation.

The art of conversation depends on not only listening to each other’s spoken words but also involve communications skills body language abilities.

Individuals with autism are typically literally thinkers and often have difficulties in reading other people’s body language.

Luckily, although it may always present a big challenge, with enough practice and hard work in working through social problems examples, most autistics can improve their autism social skills that include acceptable communication skills body language fundamentals.

Autism social skills and deciphering implied meaning have always been a challenge for me, and although I think I “get by” just fine, I know there is a lot I can do to improve in that area. I’m constantly trying to better myself as a young adult with autism, and I’m sure I’m not alone.

In fact, I think mastering communication skills body language is difficult for most people in general, regardless of whether or not they are neurotypical or neurodiverse. Do you agree?

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To thrive in today’s world you need to learn how to communicate effectively, pay attention to between the lines, and figure out what the person is feeling and not telling you.

Social problems examples when it comes to implied meanings can include: Do they want to be friends? Do they want to manipulate or hurt you? Do they have your best interests at heart?

You need to sense these things to live the best life you can, but it’s like any other skill; it can be exhausting to learn at first but eventually, you get the hang of it and use those skills the best you possibly can.

I think understanding communications skills body language is an important skill to learn to the best of your ability. Don’t underestimate the value of it because it will serve you well.

Once you master the art of conversation you will find you have more (or at least closer) friends and new social opportunities and other incredible things, because life is easier if you can understand what people are saying nonverbally as well as verbally.

It’s a form of connection that makes people closer. Trust me.

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I’ve written this blog to dive deeper into why autism social skills can be such a challenge and how figuring out implied meaning to conversations can be so difficult. 

I’ve learned that it’s probably going to be something that is a challenge for me for the rest of my life, although I have made it a goal to seek continued progress in this area.

Social inferencing presents difficulties for many individuals, so learning tangible methods to become more adept at perceiving the implicit rules and expectations that shape relationships is useful.  

Autism social skills are usually lacking to some extent, and here are some of the social problems examples that can help explain why.

Autism Social Skills: The Literal Mindset

A hallmark quality of autism spectrum disorder entails thinking in a matter-of-fact, concrete manner. Social problems examples to this way of thinking is that individuals base communications utilizing the words used literally, rather than considering often implied meanings behind them.

Sarcasm, reading between the lines, and making logical leaps based on often minuscule cues picked up from posture, tone, and past encounters with a person often baffle the autistic inclination for straightforwardness.

While neurotypical individuals automatically, perhaps even unconsciously, can typically sift through contextual clues to navigate the social landscape around them, those wired differently (like me) remain grounded in linear thinking.

This tendency to think literally and logically can spark confusion at times. Social problems examples to this way of thinking can be when a common saying or offhand joke goes over one’s head or strain relationships should a self-deprecating comment get taken at face value rather than as an informal cry for reassurance.

Autism Social Skills: Social Fluency Includes Reading What Is Not Said 

While upfront and direct communication certainly helps build autism social skills, that is only the tip of the iceberg with social fluency.  As neurotypical people talk, they often effortlessly predict ideas and emotions that are connected to what is being said and can typically keep pace with where the conversation flows.

Communications experts call these steps mutual tracking, then reaction, then adjustment through a back-and-forth exchange. A successful conversation can depend on properly filtering both the words themselves as well as the implied meaning (of what is not said).

And this complex and unscripted communication skills body language “dance” of sorts is what leads to social problems examples of what can go wrong with autism social skills when on the spectrum.

For those prone to missing nonverbal cues and leaning heavily into literal conversations, social communication can get thrown off by second-guessing, anxiety, overwhelm emotions, often ending in retreat when it comes to autism social skills.

For autistics like me, knowing that conversations are often awkward makes me even more anxious, as I am often unsure how to fix it. And when that kicks in, I tend to talk too fast and not articulate my words as well as I should, which leads to even more awkwardness when people don’t understand me. It’s a cycle I am trying to break.

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Social Problems Examples: Cultivating Comprehension Strategies 

Despite the challenges of taking everything literally and not picking up on implied meaning , individuals on the autism spectrum can improve their social skills.

There are numerous approaches that aim to build skills through observation, pattern recognition, reference point guidance, feedback loops, and compassionate self-acceptance while learning.

Here are 6 strategies to consider when seeking to improve your communications skills, regardless of whether you are neurotypical or neurodiverse.

1. Slow Down and Take Note.
   Seek to minimize distractions and hurried reactions when talking while noting facial features, tone fluctuations, vocabulary, and other subtle dynamics to enhance fact gathering that could be helpful to learning social inferences.

   Additionally, considering the larger picture like the nature of your relationship, recent events or challenges the other person faced, and communication styles exhibited in the past can be helpful.   

2. Seek Clarity to Confirm Implied Meaning.
   When confronted with ambiguous language or conversations you perceive as suddenly going off track, avoid guessing silently or making assumptions. If you can, social problems examples can include asking for specifics about intended meaning, whether you accurately followed a person’s words, if something challenged or upset them that they wish to process with you, etc.

   You can simply approach seeking clarity from the standpoint of wanting to connect more clearly.

3. Catalog Figures of Speech and Idioms.
   Since autistic thinking tends to exclude non-literal language, maintaining an ongoing list of commonly used phrases, sarcasm examples, movie references, witty comebacks, etc. can provide a toolkit to pull from when trying to decipher intent behind words.

   Having guides to turn to can offer concrete reminders when situational analysis gets foggy.

4. Apply Insight Across Contexts.
   Each social encounter you have represents a valuable chance to practice inferring unstated meaning. Rather than focusing on misfired communication, seek meaningful learning moments. Does a particular facial expression routinely signify disinterest? Did sarcasm mostly arise around a particular topic? Does so and so consistently allude to needing advice but never directly ask for it?

   Mapping patterns creates a point of reference that can help you to improve your autism social skills.

5. Role Play and Repeat.
   Focus on not only the conversations you have, but ways you could improve them in the future. If possible, “practice” conversations with a close friend or loved one with the intention of asking for feedback later.

   As part of social problems examples, consider mentally log feelings arising, shifts in posture or tone detected, terms used, etc., then after a conversation has ended, play it back while asking what the other person aimed to indirectly convey.

   Were cues misread? What additional context is available having reflected afterwards? Discuss impressions with a trusted mentor.

6. Redefine Success as Progress.
   Remind yourself that successful communications won’t happen overnight, but rather with practice. Expect occasional misunderstanding and forgive missteps by reestablishing commitment to keep learning.

   Small milestones where social nuances feel grasped can boost your confidence and help motivate you toward continues social skills improvement. Be kind to yourself!

Finding Your People – Building Community Support

Attempting to tackle social inferencing in isolation often intensifies already swirling feelings of loneliness, hopelessness, and self-judgment. Autistic individuals should focus on continued improvement while acknowledging the  vulnerabilities of trial-and-error practice, potential misinterpretations, and lingering outcast status among some social circles.

However, if you keep your eye on the “prize,” which comes in the form of having strong autism social skills, you’ll start feeling more confident.

By focusing on self-improvement and a greater self-awareness as a neurodivergent, you’ll slowly start seeing progress in terms of better conversations, friendships, and less fumbling. In the end, your goal should simply be improvement, no matter how miniscule or great!

Neurodivergence can be complicated, but by focusing on better communication in general, you’ll begin feeling more at ease with autism social skills, and along with them communication skills body language, in general. Another benefit is that masking for survival will no longer feel like a requirement. Talk about relief! 

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Social Problems Examples: Finding Places to Practice Autism Social Skills

There are many places where you can practice autism social skills and build your communication skills body language as well.

Explore the possibilities with these places.

• Online Forums and Groups.
  Scout Facebook groups, Reddit threads like r/autismtranslated, Instagram pages, Discord servers, etc., that are curated by and for actually autistic people. Hashtag exploration often unveils pocket communities awaiting eager connection.
• Special Interest Conventions and Clubs.
  Identify niche topics, activities, sports teams, and gaming universes you adore, and use those interests to seek out real life subgroups. Shows, competitions, fan meet-ups draw together people sharing identity-aligning passions in accepting atmospheres.
• Neurodivergent Peer Support.
  Local meet-up groups explicitly state they gather to foster safe space free from masking. Some clinical programs connect autistic teens and adults based on shared objectives like college prep or dating skill-building.

The options grow increasingly abundant, thanks to autistic voices stepping further into advocacy. Still, putting oneself out there to find good fit community takes courage. Rather than fixating limitations in social decoding, instead know you hold power to co-create the culture you seek.

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Autism Social Skills: Are Autistics ‘Tone Deaf’?

We talked earlier about common communications traits with autistics. A signature social dynamic many autistic people exhibit involves communicating in an unwaveringly straightforward, earnest manner regardless of situational context or who serves as the recipient of their words or expressions.

While neurotypical individuals intuitively shift tone, vocabulary choice, posture, facial affect, and degree of vulnerability displayed to align with cultural norms and standing of the various players in their social sphere, autistic people trend toward what some call unrelenting authenticity. 

Whether conversing with a parent, teacher, classmate, cashier, or stranger on the bus, what comes through speech and behavior remains anchored in truest self. In other words, to put it more simply, we autistics may not change our manner of communicating to various audiences.

The same monologue sincerely presented to mom may show up verbatim for the mail carrier. This consistent realness often gets coded as social rigidity or blindness to what is deemed proper. Yet, for the autistic person, the external world fails to dictate internal moods and communication styles the way it may for others.

Staying grounded and rigid while speaking in a uniform manner regardless of the situation or individuals becomes extraordinarily exhausting.  

By learning to pace self-disclosure, mirror language formality, and consider the audience as part of communicating, some degree of camouflage emerges to ease rigid reputations. However, even while adjusting certain stylistic elements, preserving an authentic baseline remains important rather than totally relinquishing self in favor of performances.

Finding balance involves assessing contexts, the spectrum of language formality, and filtering information flow while upholding core integrity. Just as modern society stretches to accept neurological diversity, so too can autistic people bridge realms by honoring self and others.

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Lead with Compassion – For Self and Others

Advice I’ve been given as part of improving autism social skills is that when my auto-pilot communication defaults to reading between blurry lines, inject compassion as the guiding light.

By this I mean that you (neurodiverse or neurotypical alike) should recognize that judgment arises more from lack of mutual understanding about distinct wiring than proof that anyone falls short of calibrating correctly in conversation. Maintain grace and don’t hesitate to frequently pause and clarify intent.

At the same time, uphold compassion for those conversational partners flying effortlessly by implicit social norms alone. Their gracelessness reflects absence of diverse company rather than character or willingness to extend kindness. Call in, not out, through thoughtful dialogue, rather than writing one another off as “lacking understanding.”

As possible, surround yourself with compassionate partners able to appreciate both surface chatter and your steadily illuminating inner world. There exists light ahead should you choose to patiently walk the path of understanding both literal communications as well as implied meaning. You’ll live your best life possible for keeping open-minded and open-hearted.

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