Forced Family Traditions Can Steal Holiday Spirit From Autistics

Family traditions are typically well-intentioned as a way to promote holiday spirit and joy, but for individuals on the spectrum, holiday traditions can sometimes bring anxiety, overstimulation, and disruption. Family traditions can be polarizing; some people may love them while others say they do anything but usher in holiday spirit. Luckily, there are effective ways for navigating holiday traditions successfully while avoiding holiday stress for everyone.

When considering family traditions, it’s important to remember that you always have a choice in determining whether to participate in them. This doesn’t mean acting out or creating divisiveness during family gatherings.

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However, avoiding holiday stress and truly enjoying holiday spirit through positivity and comfort is most important overall. Close friends and family should understand that holiday traditions aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, so to speak.

An example is the tradition of hanging mistletoe. You have probably heard if someone stands under the mistletoe, you are supposed to kiss them. That may work in certain romantic settings, but more often than not, shrieks and giggles of “look who is standing under the mistletoe” and proclamations that you “have to” kiss someone, even in a joking manner, can cause extensive discomfort and social awkwardness, and with a worse case scenario, lead to a meltdown.

It’s important to remember that as an adult with autism, you don’t need to tolerate family traditions and awkward measures to encourage holiday spirit, and that you should not feel forced to do anything you don’t want to do.

All that really should be asked of you is to spend quality time with your loved ones because that’s what the holidays are really about.

A heavy focus on family traditions, gatherings with large groups, and rigid expectations around the season can negatively impact those with autism.

With some adjustments, accommodations, and open communication, people with autism can find meaningful ways to participate in the festivities in a way that works for them.

First and foremost, it’s important for people with autism to know that they are not obligated to take part in any traditions that don’t bring them joy or increase their holiday spirit.

While holidays often center around doing the same activities year after year out of a sense of nostalgia or heritage, if certain events, outings, or rituals consistently cause you stress, it is perfectly fine to opt out.

For example, if a huge family dinner triggers your social anxiety, consider requesting a smaller gathering with just parents and siblings instead. If certain religious services are overwhelming due to crowds and noise, stay home and celebrate more informally with close loved ones.

Don’t be afraid to shape the season around what works best for you. Avoiding holiday stress and enjoying the events on your terms will bring happiness all around.

Avoiding Holiday Stress: Planning Ahead for Events

For holiday events you do choose to attend, take time to prepare in advance. For example, if you are going to an office holiday party or family gathering, see if you can arrive early to get comfortable with the physical space.

Walk around the whole venue so you know where the exits are located, where crowds may gather, and any areas you can retreat to if you need a break. If possible, request to see if accommodations can be made such as turning down loud music, limiting flashing lights, or making a separate quiet room available.

If you will be attending religious services, call the place of worship ahead of time to explain your situation. See if there are smaller services you can attend or if they can set aside a quieter seating area for you.

If needed, do not feel guilty about skipping portions of a service or stepping out when you feel overwhelmed. Your needs and comfort are the priority.

Holiday Traditions: Traveling and House Guests

Holiday travel and hosting out-of-town guests also require preparation. When packing for a trip during the holidays, bring items that will help limit sensory overload like headphones, sunglasses, weighted blankets, comfort objects, or sensory toys.

Keeping your typical daily routine as much as possible, even while traveling, can provide stability amidst holiday chaos. If guests are staying with you, set clear expectations ahead of time about noise levels, schedules, food preferences, and space. Let guests know there may be times you need quiet or alone time.

Above all, do not feel pressured to play host constantly or entertain beyond your limits.

Family Traditions: Managing Food and Mealtimes

Since food is central to many holiday celebrations and family traditions, mealtimes also require planning. If attending a dinner party, ask the host about the menu in advance and mention any foods you don’t eat or have sensitivities to.

Offer to contribute a comfort food dish you know you can eat. If flavors or textures cause you discomfort, bring sauces and seasonings you like to improve palatability. Be upfront if you need to eat on a different schedule than others due to your needs.

During family meals, have low-key activities on hand such as puzzle books or fidget toys to help manage anxiety.

Having Holiday Spirit: Setting Expectations with Loved Ones

Openly communicating your needs to family and friends is key to making the season work for you. Explain which specific holiday activities you enjoy and which ones create challenges due to their unpredictability, noise levels, crowds or other factors.

Provide guidance on any sensory accommodations that are helpful for you. Share that while you want to participate in the festivities, you may also need to take quiet breaks to minimize stress.

Explain that your coping mechanisms help you with avoiding holiday stress, and most everyone will understand and appreciate your honesty.

Most importantly, convey that certain traditions simply do not work for you the way they are currently structured. Offer suggestions for alternate activities or ways to modify customs that would allow you to participate comfortably.

With close loved ones, it can be helpful to have these conversations well in advance of the holidays rather than in the moment when tensions may be higher.

Let them know the best ways to support you during potentially overwhelming situations.

Designate a trusted friend or family member who can check in with you as needed and help mitigate issues. Make sure your loved ones understand there may be times you need to abruptly leave an event for your well-being.

While older generations may have a hard time deviating from family traditions, modifying activities can allow the holidays to be enjoyable for all.

The Holidays and Autism: How to Make it Work for You

The holiday season is heavily focused on family traditions, togetherness, and rigid expectations for celebrations.

However, for many on the autism spectrum, gatherings, activities, and experiencing the sights instead brings anxiety, overstimulation, and a major upheaval to established routines, rather than comfort and joy.

With crowds, unpredictable schedules, unfamiliar rituals, and an overload of sights and sounds, the holidays can easily become overwhelming.

Remember that all it may take to find holiday joy if you are the one with autism is asking for some minor adjustments, accommodations, and open communication.

In this way, people with autism can find ways to participate in the season that minimizes stress and allows them to celebrate authentically.

Avoiding Holiday Stress: Managing Holiday Travel

Traveling during the holidays also requires preparation. When packing for a trip, bring items that will help limit sensory overload like headphones, sunglasses, weighted blankets, fidget toys, and comfort objects.

Keep your typical daily routine as much as possible when traveling to add stability amidst the chaos.

Research potential sensory issues at your destination like crowds, loud noises, or unfamiliar foods. Have an exit plan for places if they become too overwhelming.

Above all, listen to your body’s limits and allow yourself to take time outs to rest and recharge when needed. Do not push yourself past your capacity just because you are on vacation. Your health comes first.

Family Traditions: Hosting House Guests

If guests are staying with you for the holidays, set clear expectations ahead of time around noise levels, schedules, food preferences, and space. Share guidelines like quiet hours for sleep and downtime, any household rules to follow, and places that will be private for you even with guests.

Explain you may need to take alone time even with company in town. Let visitors know if there are certain holiday activities you will not be able to participate in due to your needs.

Try and not feel pressured to constantly entertain or play perfect host—it’s ok to just relax and be yourself in your own home. Guests will understand if you need to limit social interactions.

Avoiding Holiday Stress: Self-Care Strategies

Make self-care a priority to manage the season’s added demands.

Maintain your sleep schedule as much as possible and take relaxing sensory breaks when you need them, even if just stepping outside alone for fresh air.

Listen to your body’s cues and leave situations when feeling extremely anxious, overstimulated or overwhelmed.

Do not judge yourself for finding interactions challenging—the problem is inflexible expectations around celebrations, not you. Avoid putting unnecessary pressure on yourself to force holiday cheer.

Don’t force yourself into holiday scenarios that consistently leave you overwhelmed. Instead, work with loved ones to establish new traditions that you can participate in without sacrificing your needs.

The holidays should be enjoyable for everyone—and with the right approach, they can be for you too.

Fostering Holiday Spirit By Celebrating the Holidays Your Way

Do not underestimate the healing power of celebrating the holidays your way. Spend time with loved ones when you crave closeness, then retreat for solo activities when you need to recharge.

For quieter joy, make comfort foods just for yourself, drive around looking at decorations, watch nostalgic movies, or buy gifts only for your inner circle. Adapt traditions to play to your strengths rather than forcing yourself into stressful situations.

Remind yourself that holidays are supposed to be enjoyable—if they don’t feel that way, it’s okay to do less. You get to shape the season and holiday traditions based on what works for you.

With some planning, communication, and creativity, those on the autism spectrum can craft holiday traditions that limit stress and maximize comfort.

While the season comes loaded with expectations, giving yourself permission to set boundaries and unapologetically prioritize your needs is an act of self-care. Don’t force yourself into scenarios that consistently leave you overwhelmed just to “keep the peace.”

Instead, work with loved ones to establish celebrations you can participate in joyfully. Approaching the holidays with flexibility and sensitivity to your challenges is key. When activities are tailored to your needs, the season can become much more enjoyable for all.

Simple Strategies For Bringing Joy and Happiness to Family Traditions

Given the stress the season can bring, taking care of yourself (or a parent overseeing the mental health of a child with autism) is crucial for managing holidays so they aren’t overwhelming.

Be sure to get adequate rest, maintain regular meal and sleep schedules as much as possible, and squeeze in calming activities that reset your senses.

Take breaks from social gatherings as needed, even if just a short walk alone. Listen to your body’s cues and leave situations where you feel overstimulated, anxious, or upset.

Do not get down on yourself if holiday interactions are challenging—you are not the problem. The problem is inflexible expectations around how celebrations “should” look.

Do not underestimate the power of celebrating on your own terms.

Spend time with family when you want closeness, then retreat for solo activities when you need to recharge.

For some quieter holiday joy, make comfort foods just for yourself, watch favorite nostalgic movies, drive or walk around looking at decorations, or buy small gifts only for people closest to you. Adapt traditions to your strengths and needs rather than forcing yourself into uncomfortable situations.

You get to shape the holidays and family traditions to work best for you.

With some planning, communication, and creativity, people on the autism spectrum can craft holiday traditions that limit stress and maximize their comfort.

While the season is fraught with expectations, giving yourself permission to opt-out of activities, set boundaries, and unapologetically prioritize your well-being during the holidays is an important act of self-care.